Gustav, GO AWAY!

To my Grandma, my uncles and my aunt,

Thinking of you and praying for your continued health and safety. But moreso, praying that Gustav stays very very far away from your homes!!!

Lots of love,
Alice

Prescriptions in Germany

So I've told you before that doctors are big into homeopathic remedies. They are. And they usually cost you a few Euro at the Apotheke (pronounced ah-poh-tek-uh) - the pharmacy.

I had to have 3 prescriptions filled for my pregnancy stuff - the first two were completely covered by our insurance (one was an anti-nausea drug, since the homeopathic one wasn't worth crap and the other was low-dose aspirin, used as a preventative against that dreaded preeclampsia) and the last one was not - it was the sugary-sweet glucose drink that I had to purchase myself before my 3-hour diabetes test in 2 weeks - it was 5 Euro.

So um yeah - universal healthcare - way cheaper. (Not to mention that all of Henry's drugs are covered until he's 18. Yeah, you read that right - we figure in his first year alone, between his operation, ER visits, his oh so many doctor's visits PLUS all the meds he was on we spent anywhere between $3-5k.)

My doctor appointment today

Well, all I can say is that we're definately delivering at this hospital (which means we're not going to look at the other one my OB recommended).

Immediately, I fell in *love* with this high-risk doc. She's young but super sweet, intelligent and more than competant. Here's the plan:

1) I will see the high-risk doc every 4 weeks, in between my regular OB appointments. That means I'll be seeing someone every 2 weeks (yikes!)

2) I will have three (3) 24-hour collections - one in each trimester. Since I'm at the end of my first trimester, I am to do one for my next visit in 2 weeks.

3) I go again in 2 weeks for the first of my many intensive u/s screenings (I believe they're doppler). At that time I'll also take in my first 24-hour sample (see note below).

4) I will have two (2) 3-hour glucose testings done - again the first one in 2 weeks when I go (it'll be a loooong morning). The next one will be around 20-something weeks. She feels that the 3-hour is more reliable (as she explained the 1-hour is just an indicator, but the 3-hour is definitive).

5) I am to measure my BP three times daily and fax to them once a week.

6) She is on a team of 3 doctors. One of the three of them will deliver me (or be there in conjunction with the midwife). Which makes me feel SO much better knowing that I will be developing a relationship with the doctor in who's hands my life is.

NOTE: Interestingly, for the 24-hour collection ... I do it at home and must keep it in the fridge. BUT - they don't have any hats to collect the urine in! When I asked the midwife if they had anything that went on the toilet (like what I had in Ohio) she kind of chuckled at me! She said she wasn't sure how I was to collect it but that every drop had to be there!

I am to collect it all and then, after the last collection, shake it up well and take a sample with the syringe she provided to take in for their testing. Yup, it's self-service 24-hour urine collection, in my own home! (I'm thinking ew, gross ... but hey, I'm so impressed with how thorough they are, I can definately handle this!)

So I think that's about it.

Oh yeah - when the midwife took my BP at the end of the appointment - get this - it was 120/70. Yeah, 120/70. Wow. I haven't seen numbers that low since I became a nutcase checking my BP all. the. time. :) She also did it manually, which I do think accounts for something.

During the entire appointment, I could just feel my body relaxing and my nerves settling. I feel good. And that is a very nice feeling.

Thoughts on a quote I just read

I just read this on another blog:

" Why is it that when we are depressed it doesn't matter what we do to get out of the depression. We stay there until our body and mind decide for themselves to come out of it."

Last year, I ran away.

I knew it then.

But I understand it now.

I ran away from all the monsters. You know who I'm talking about: Grief, Regret, Anger, Dispair.

But they followed me.

Only I also ran away from my family. And being away from them allowed me to find the strength within to fight each of these monsters, when my body and mind were ready to.

I'm in the middle of a funk. It happens every year at this time. Well, this is only the 2nd year I'm really going through it - 3 years ago I never expected my life to be like this.

God I miss my dad.

3 years ago we (mom, dad, BJD, my sis and her fam) all went to North Ridgeville's Corn Festival. Dad and I split some bbq ribs (which is HUGE because I have this meat fetish - I can't eat anything if I know what it once looked like). They were gu-uuhd. Then I had some of Sweet's sweet corn, festival lemonade and some sweet stuff.

That night, dad suffered a massive stroke.

That night, my world collapsed.

But I didn't realize it.

I stood by his side, every day, for 6 weeks, praying for my soul to stay strong so that my dad could lean on me and get better.

I fought with my mom about him coming home - that was all he really wanted - to be home. Oh to be home and to be able to take a shit in the toilet. Maybe that's all he really wanted - to not wear a diaper and have someone else wipe his ass.

I was willing to give up my career, my marriage, my everything, just to make my dad whole again.

And that bastard of a monster called Regret, still lives on in my head.

Oh I know that I did all I could.

I know that. (do you?)

But it's just like being a preemie parent - you know there was nothing that you could have done to cause the premature birth of your child (and subsequent health issues) but you sure do seem to enjoy beating yourself up about it.

So this is my 3 year anniversary of not having a dad anymore.

This is my 3 year anniversary of when my mom changed everything she physically could to escape, of having a hellish pregnancy, of my family just disintigrating and me not having a clue why, of losing my faith, of finding it again and of making the decision to move to Germany.

This anniversary will end on September 25th, the day my dad died.

Though realistically, it will only end like that stupid Green Day song "When September Ends".

God, I am SO thankful this next baby isn't due in September.

I hate September.

Only to be followed by October - which BTW, my birthday is exactly 1 month from my dad's death date - October 25th, to be followed 1 week later by dad's bday - Halloween.

At least I'm here in Germany, where autumn is cold and rainy (just like winter) and not in beautiful (and I mean that honestly) NE Ohio, where autumn still remains my favorite season with the vibrant colors and the smell of frost and the preparations for winter and snow ...

But now my depression from the last 3 years is gone. My mind is stronger. My body is too. And while I still mourn all that I lost, I can live. Because that's the one thing my dad can't do anymore ... live.

A German fridge

So I've shared before that we're remodeling our kitchen. Well, we're keeping all our appliances and just adding cupboards.

But what's important to note, THIS IS A TYPICAL-SIZED refridgerator! Yessiree. This is the standard. Of course, the pic is taken just after we've come back from the grocery store, so it's more organized than say, by the end of the week. Milk comes in a standard 1 liter size (see the 2 milk cartons in the door). Everything else is smaller too - the top shelf of the door has sour cream. The top shelf has some yogurt and well, did you see the freezer?

No?

Look again.

Still no?

That's because it isn't there. I still don't get it. Standard freezers are either really teeny tiny ones on "top" of the fridge, mostly accessible when the fridge door is open. OR, like ours, is a free-standing unit with drawers. And ours is in our laundry room because well, I don't know it just is.

Bubba Joe's New "do"

We've been talking about it for some time now.

Bubba Joe needs a haircut.

His curls are stunning (just like mine) but it was very thin at the ends and well, just needed cleaned up a bit.

Here he is, intently watching his DVD player, wearing his "no tattoos yet" t-shirt, with fresh raspberries on his face from our farm trip:
And here is his "after". Basically the same hair-do, just shorter. I'll try to get some better pics, hopefully without him trying to help me as he is here!

The Answer

Seems like most of ya'll had the right idea ... where would you find toothpicks in a grocery store in Germany? It's so logical (and hence, very "german) ... by the toothpaste, toothbrushes, dental floss ... you get it! Good job!

Q&A: let's play a game

Let's play a little game ... answer the following question in the comment section. I'm curious for your responses!

Q: Where do you think the toothpicks are located in the grocery store in Germany?

Such a simple concept

As I was putting Henry down for his nap, I was singing to him ...

Go to sleep, little one

the time has come

for you to sleep.

Whatever your dream,

the world is yours

just close your eyes

and it's yours.

And it hit me.

I am so paranoid about so many things going wrong in this pregnancy. I know, I mean I really do *know* what can happen. I know that I'm at risk for developing preeclampsia again and I know women who've lost their beautiful babies because of this shitty disease.

And I'm scared.

Not scared like I was when I held dad's hand as he died. But scared in another way - scared as a mother, scared as a wife.

But all my fears don't do anything. What does do something, how I can be proactive, is to close my eyes and dream. Bubba Joe's Dad and I made this decision to take a leap of faith and try to conceive again.

I'd begun to give up hope, after 9 months of actively trying.

But then we closed our eyes, and dreamed.

Here I am, 10 weeks pregnant.

So many things can go wrong. So many things in my life have gone wrong, but I'm still here, and I've made it through hell to return and tell ya'll that I can do this.

So I'm going to head my own words and let the world be mine.

If anything happens, there's nothing I can do about it. Preeclampsia has no cure, no diet, no vitamins, nothing that can prevent it if its gonna happen. But I don't have to let it consume me with fear. Rather, I'm chosing to dream of the pregnancy that I always wanted.

An inspiration to me

I found this blog through another blog (isn't that just how it works sometimes?).

http://bitsofmyself.com/

Check it out and see for yourself how amazing this woman is.

Differences in Health Care

Coming from Cleveland, I am proud to know that I came from an area with excellent health care.

Moving to Germany ... well, let's just say that my confidence has yet to be found.

And being pregnant, with a 10-20% chance of developing preeclampsia again, in a country in which my confidence is MIA, is a bit unnerving.

Perhaps that's why my BP is up every time I check. Every. Time. Or maybe it's that my genetics are catching up with me. Or maybe just a combination of the two.

Like I was telling Lola today, Germans are all about having choices made for them. From assigned seats at the movies, to the pharmacy in which every medicine you buy has a prescription - and there are NO aisles to browse to look at the offerings - choices just aren't a plenty.

Holistic medicine is wildly popular here. I can't tell you the number of prescriptions I've had filled for a homeopathic remedy.

Which is fine and dandy. I can dig that. When we're talking something simple, like allergies or well, nausea medicine.

But we had our tour last week at the University Hospital in Muenster last week of their L&D unit. Their midwives (not nurses, midwives) and doctors all stress a natural delivery as possible. And again, while I'm all for the concept of something natural, I also have a great respect for modern medicine. If I want drugs to numb the pain of well, anything, thank you very much, I'll take something that was man-made. I mean, do I really want to risk treating preeclampsia with some herbs? Um, last time I checked, preeclampsia kills moms and babies. Hmmm, I think I'll take the medically proven and well-documented medicine over something organically grown.

Now mind you, I'm actually all about organically grown produce, conserving energy and homeopathic medicine. It was a tapping session (no, not as in dance, but as in tapping on various places on my body while thinking the negative thoughts that I was drowning in) that was one of the first steps of breaking out of my postpartum depression last year. But it was also the zoloft that helped me function daily.

I guess I just am a gal who likes to have choices. Damn I like my choices! And there just aren't enough of them here ... and when they are here, I have to wait 6 frickin' weeks to get what I've so carefully chosen (you know, this isn't McDonald's). Oh, sorry, that's another post from way back that I never wrote about but shared verbally with many. One day I'll get around to updating the rest of ya'll.

Until then. Good night. I'm going to bed. (It's 10:30 pm here and Bubba Joe is watching the last of his Simpsons DVD.)

How much is that doggie in the window?

Our little idiots have decided to act up today ... no clue why.

Mischka just peed on the curtain in our bedroom.

Maggie pooped in our bedroom.

Ewww, gross.

And with my stomach, BJD has to do all the cleaning ... I can't tolerate the smells.

So we have 2 little doggies for sale ... any takers?

Happy Anniversary to me (and BJD)

Yesterday was our 7th wedding anniversary. I find it very hard to believe that BJD and I have been married that long. I find it even harder to believe that he's put up with me for longer than that!

I'm reminded of what my dad said to me when after coming back from Germany when BJD had proposed ... he must be either crazy or stupid. Still not sure which, but it's certainly brought about a change in me - a change for the better I think.

Last night, BJD took me to go see Mamma Mia! in the movie theater in Muenster. They sometimes show the movies in the original language, with german subtitles. Now, there's a thing or two to know first about going to a german movie theater:

1. Germans like order. I think that's a common stereotype, right? But this conveys even to the movie theater. There are assigned seats. Yup. Assigned Seats. As in Row 5, seats 19-20 (which BTW is where we were supposed to sit). And there are 2 "sections" (at least in this theater). A lower one - with tickets costing ~7Euro - and an upper section - with tickets costing ~9 Euro. We paid for the cheaper seats (which were toward the front) and sat in the upper seats. And I watched. People came in, checking their tickets and sitting where they are supposed to. BJD commented later that the people sitting behind us should have been sitting in our seats - they commented on it. I didn't care. It all seems a bit ridiculous to me. It makes me want to open up a movie theater myself and NOT have assigned seating. I wonder what would happen ... mass chaos? boycotting? meltdowns?
   
2. German popcorn - described as sweet and salty. Ewwww. I've only had good kettle corn once. Once. And it was not here. (Okay, it was here in Germany but once again, Em's mom had sent me really great kettle corn that comes from somewhere out in CA or CO or something like that.)
   
3. German nachos - okay, the cheese is the same. But the chips - imagine if you can, super salty/fake cheesy doritos that you dip in nacho cheese sauce. Too much. Blach. (But I was hungry ... and pregnant ... and those two combined make sacrifices when it comes to taste.)
   
4. Previews - I know, I know, it shouldn't surprise me, but it still does. It's all in GERMAN!!! Seeing a preview for High School Musical 3 in german is just wrong. In so many ways!!! (and perhaps most of all, because there really is a 3 in this series!)
   
5. There is a pause after the previews and before the movie. BJD said that they he'd gone once and they came in offering ice cream for sale. He said it took an additional 15 minutes wait time. Lights came up and the curtains closed (oh yeah, they use the curtains). A few minutes later, lights went down again and the movie began.
   

Everyone STAYED through the end of the movie, including the credits. Okay, it WAS a great movie, but we were one of the first out, and the credits were rolling!

So that's enough about the movie theater.

BJD then took me to a nice little restaurant on the shore of the Aasee (prounced ahhh-sea'ish). It's a manmade lake in Muenster. The food was very very very good!!! And the service, which to my surprise, was excellent! I could get used to it! Let's just say that it's a Muenster version of Pier W in Cleveland (all you Clevelanders know what I'm talking about).

Now - I have a question for ya'll - what I missed most during dinner was the tides. How big does a lake - manmade or natural - have to be to have tides? It was way too still and quiet. And at Pier W, being on Lake Erie, you can ALWAYS hear the waves/tides.

I confess, I love food porn.

I know, it's a graphic description, but Em's mom introduced the concept to me and nausea or not, I still love great looking food. Even better when it tastes just as good as it looks.

She's the one who sent me a few taco/enchilada seasoning mixes. I confess to not having a clue about how to prepare good mexican. But I never really had to. And now that I'm stuck in the land of meat and potatoes (which is okay in a very very limited moderation), I find that I miss my bean burrito with guacamole most.

I made enchiladas this week. They don't have cheddar cheese here (or at least the one I tried once from the UK was well, leaving MUCH to be desired). So I used gouda. It was an okay substitute and even Bubba Joe loved the enchiladas.

But today, I'm working on my baking skills. Thanks to Better Homes and Gardens new Cook Book (and Juls' kitchen which I stole it from years ago and have denied since - shhh! don't tell her!) I've just finished baking a yummy chocolate cake with a coconut frosting. Dude, what can I say but I rock! Once it's all put together (and we all wake from our afternoon nap - gotta love being a SAHM), I'll take a pic and share.

BTW - I LOVE recipe books. And not the kind that tell you to use a package of pillsbury prepared foods because well, we don't have that stuff here. Besides, I've always enjoyed making foods from scratch. And before, during the first 5 years of marriage, between working my tookus off and going to grad school, and what being a DINK family, we ate out lots. Plus there were just lots of good restaurant choices. Here in Duelmen, the choices suck. Seriously, they are horrible. The best dining experience we've had with decent service and good food ... was McDs. Honest. And that's such a sad sad statement.

BUT - if you can recommend a good recipe book (or if you have an extra that you'd like to share!!!) let me know!

What's up with that?

Now that I'm prego, little man's appetite has increased 10-fold.

I'm thinking it's because he's still BFing and my milk has changed.

But he's taken to having a late night snack - something that usually consists of a few bananas, a few yogurts, you get the picture.

And he's also taken to claiming his diaper as his own - No Mommy! MY diaper!!! (when I try to change it.)

Oh yeah- and nausea - I didn't really know what it was before, but it's in full force. Super yuck.

Sweet dreams are made of this ...

Sorry for the bad 80s music now playing in your head. And darn it if it isn't stuck in my head now too!

Last night was nice. We're a family bed, Bubba Joe, Bubba Joe's dad and I. The concept evolved into what it is today. And once we finish up the kitchen (see numerous other posts) we plan on rearranging our storage rooms so that we can clear out the guest bedroom and turn it into Bubba Joe's bedroom. Oh, it's not that he doesn't have a room. He does. We have 3 bedrooms and an office upstairs. But "his" room is where all his clothing and toys are. "Our" room is where we sleep. The new "his" room will be where we throw our old (but just a few years old) mattress on the floor for him and put his closet/dresser in. (BTW - there are NO built-in closets in Germany.) But that all comes once said kitchen is finished ...

But last night was nice. Bubba Joe went down fairly easily, no fussing, after having taken a 3 hour nap (whohoo!). And he slept ONCE AGAIN through the night with no problems. I think he woke up one time around 5:00ish asking for milk. We offered him a cup with water and ya know what? He took it and fell back asleep.

Now though, he's taken to cuddling with me but only once he's in a deep deep sleep. So usually, there's Bubba Joe's Daddio, me and Bubba Joe, cuddled up right next to me.

Sweet dreams indeed ...

I'm here

Just sitting here

observing all that is

thankful for all that was

and grateful to be here.

Oh the horror! A hole!

And here's the "accident" I told ya'll about last week ...

Kitchen Pictures (construction)

So here's a few pics from the construction (all the pale/vanilla colored cabinets are from our old kitchen):

Okay - this pic is sideways, but it's our fridge/cabinets (our fridge is only the middle cupboard - our freezer is in the laundry room). Sadly, we're covering up Henry's chalkboard that we just added this winter ...
Here is BJD and his brother cutting out the countertop for the stovetop and the sink:
Not sure what Bubba Joe's Opa is doing here, but it has been a familial affair, getting this kitchen installed:

Sitting here, just waiting

and enjoying the silence.

And the feeling of no-nauseousness. It started last night.

Must be all the Subway I've eaten lately. BTW - that's what lunch was the other day. Now normally, I'm not a huge Subway fan. But Subway is a piece of home and it tasted JUST like what it tastes like at home. Which you may think would be a given. Nope. Mickey D's - not the same. I don't know why, but Germans have NO clue how to make a burger. Either they mix pork and beef for the patties (ew, gross ... I mean, why bother?) or the buns are too thick and dense.

Right now, Bubba Joe is enjoying a nice walk with his Opa and his cousin in the double-stroller I found on ebay here for 30Euro. The doggies are asleep on my bed. And it's quiet.

I know I should be cleaning, but I'm just enjoying the silence.

Still full from lunch

and now little man is getting up ... I'll be back.

March 19th

That's the due date.

Which means that I'm exactly 8 weeks pregnant today.

And boy do I feel it! Ugh, I forgot how much I do *not* like being pregnant. I feel so nauseous all the time. Stretchy pants are my best friends and the girls, well, let's just say that the girls hurt.

Henry's dealing with it all well enough though. When I'm tired, he'll chill and watch his Bob or Thomas or Maus dvds or will go and bauen (build) with his toys in his room.

And when you ask him if he wants a brother or a sister ... most of the time he says brother, but today he said sister. I think brother is easier to say.

I just want a full 9 months - and NO PE!

I see our regular OB in 4 weeks, and then the very next day, meet with the high risk doctor over at the Frauenklinik at the Uni-Klinik in Muenster (basically the woman's hospital at the university hospital in Muenster).

Oops! (a kitchen update)

Most of the shelves are in place. The entire bottom cupboards are installed, complete with a countertop.

But today ... BJD tells me that as he was drilling in the wall, he hit the power cord. You see, he didn't follow the line all the way up to the electrical outlet. Or maybe he did, but he didn't put 2 and 2 together. So he hit a power cord ... went clean through.

Hang on ... let me upload some images ... I'll be back.

Kitchens

We made a decision to build out our kitchen. Well, let me explain a bit.

In Germany, it's common when you rent that you have a room with the hookups - water, electric - but the kitchen cabinetry itself belongs to the renters. They *can* sell it to you if you want, or you bring your old one with, or, like us, you have to buy new.

Buying new is NOT cheap. But, we found a single module kitchen for 1k Euro. Of course, nothing in Germany is fast. We still had to wait 6 weeks for it to arrive. Then, because of the cheap price, we had to pick it up ourselves and install it ourselves.

The problem is, it was small. Which leads us to this year. and IKEA.

We looked around. To get a new kitchen that better utilizes our space would cost minimum 3k Euro. To add to it with pieces from where we originally bought it would cost 1.5k.

We went to IKEA, came up with a great design (I now have drawers!!! I love drawers!!!) and paid just under 1k.

The problem is, the door color we chose is beige - they're selling out of it. And because of my love of drawers, it's been now 3 weeks and 3 IKEA stores before we've finished finding all the pieces.

The Dortmund store, where we originally shopped, was supposed to have all the doors in inventory. Yeah right. So much for computers.

So we went to Kamen yesterday (by Dortmund-ish). They had the one door we needed for the apothekeshrank (think tall, thin cupboard with 2 doors and lots of drawers that pull out when you open the doors). But they didn't have the drawer door.

They called the Osnabruck store. We waited and waited and waited while Kamen called Osnabruck (computer said they had 1 in stock!), Osnabruck confirmed there was in fact 1 there, placed it in a reservation for us, and BJD is on his way there this morning to pick it up.

Now, if only we could finish building out the kitchen ...:)