Sorry Grandma

I just got an email from my aunt. She basically said that my grandma was upset by some of the language in my posting about my dad. I'm sorry for using offensive language grandma. I did consider removing it (I originally wrote that posting quite some time ago) but felt that at that time, it really did describe the emotions I went through in watching my dad die.

But that doesn't matter. I don't want to offend anyone with any of my posts.

But I'm not here to curb my beliefs either so that I don't offend anyone.

My mom always said that she taught us to think for ourselves - and that did not always mean agreeing with what she had taught us.

I can't sleep. Once again. Could be all the tea (I'm not a coffee fan and we've cut out soda, hot tea is very common in Germany). Or just could be that I'm more well, full of thoughts late at night.

Both of my boys are in bed sleeping. It's so amazing to watch Henry sleep. I'm reminded daily of God's blessings.

Yep grandma, I am a believer. And a strong one at that. I am a strong Christian woman who happens to have an MBA and works full-time as a SAHM (stay at home mom). I wouldn't say that the road I've been on has been an easy one - and I'm not too sure about how much of my life has been predestined versus what influence I have had on things - but I do know that I believe. I believe that Jesus was sent to save me. And everytime I think of that concept, I get goosebumps.

And for me, my beliefs were that much more strengthened witnessing my father's passing, my family fall apart, and mostly, by having a son of my own. I cannot imagine for one day, a life without Henry. Sure, I've had some pretty rough spots in dealing with postpartum depression. And there were many many times I did not want to be a mom and only wanted to have my dad back again.

But I take it all into perspective - preeclampsia / pregnancy-induced hypertension took away my faith in my body; dad dying took away my faith in my parents; my family falling apart took away my support network; moving overseas took away my foundation - there's only one thing left - God. He's the only thing that's been a constant in my life. And it took one big boat (the QM2 to be precise) to get me (physically) to where I'm learning that (Germany).

Ironically Germany is where Martin Luther began questioning the Catholic beliefs - specifically about predestination and paying for your sins. Even more ironic to me is that (as far as I can tell) only 3 types of Christian churches here - Catholic (HUGE), Lutheran (not as big, but still large), and what Germans call Baptist (though they're more what I call mennonite'ish - a small(er) population).