Dreadful

It's times like these I wish I could turn back the clock.

To tell you how much you mean to me just one more time.

I know I did everything I could.

But I miss you.

I thought the hole would have begun to heal by now.

But it hasn't.

It feels almost as raw as it did that night you left.

I can still see your eyes, lifeless, staring, gone.

I can still hear your heartbeat, fading, muffled, slowing.

And I can't believe it's been 3 years. 3 damned years of hell and pain and anguish and hurt.

Right now, I just miss you.

You were my rock. But I didn't know it.

You were my hope. But I didn't know it.

You were my everything. But I didn't know it.

And since I no longer have you ... I don't know.

I live. I have to.

But some days, like today, are harder than others.

Maybe it's the wonderful hormones pumping through my body with this extra life growing inside of me.

Maybe it's the miracle of life itself that makes it hurt.

Or maybe it's just that the pain I have felt since you died is much deeper than I realized. And it will take so much more time to heal than I've given to it yet.